Book A Call
Back to Blog

How to Always Feel Confident and Secure - 90/10 Rule

confidence self-esteem May 13, 2022

I want to share a unique concept that can help boost self-esteem and tame the self-doubt that many people experience. I call it the 90/10 rule. 

Now that we are halfway through 2022, this is a great time to take stock of ourselves in the self-esteem department. And the 90/10 rule can help you evaluate where you stand in terms of self-worth, self-love, and confidence.  

One of the topics I frequently talk about and write about is developing your inner sense of being good enough. I help people like you recognize the power of authentic self-love and exude confidence, which is wildly attractive to those around you.  

I often hear, "What is the best way to develop self-esteem and confidence?" And this is an excellent question because so many people try to build their self-esteem on attributes outside themselves. So, they constantly seek a sense of self from things like their status, money, looks, job, how they think other people view them, and other people's validation.  

And, let me be clear. We are all human, and we are social beings. So, it's normal for those things to matter - somewhat. But, the problem comes in when we allow those things to weigh too heavily in how we evaluate and value ourselves. 

External things are always subject to change in ways we can't control. And relying solely on external validation to feel fulfilled and worthy can leave us vulnerable like a leaf blowing in the wind.

But suppose we focus on building the internal sense of who we are. In that case, we can feel secure and confident in almost any situation. The building blocks of a healthy sense of self include:

  • Feeling good about ourselves from the inside out
  • Learning to think that we are enough 
  • Knowing we are worthy
  • Developing a solid understanding of our identity

Getting to this point results from all of that inner work you hear me talk about constantly.

So, the 90/10 rule is getting to a ratio where 90% of our self-esteem and confidence come from those internal qualities. Then 10% comes from those external things I mentioned earlier. 

So, what are some things you can do to bolster that 90%?

  • Prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical well-being
  • Engage in positive self-talk daily (give yourself high-fives for your wins)
  • Repeat helpful affirmations daily 
  • Journal about your significant life experiences
  • Make a list of your strengths 
  • Make a list of all of the things that you have overcome that show how resilient you are
  • Do something daily that brings you joy

Watch the video to learn more about the 90/10 rule and how you can apply it in your life.



Don't miss a beat!

Inspiration to heal and thrive delivered to your inbox.

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.